Well, I survived it. I will be scraping by with the 1/2 points given here and there, but I should pass. With the impaired performance I should be ok and not need to sit the supplemental exam. According to the scuttlebutt there has only ever been one supplemental exam for this class since this professor started teaching it, so that is in my favour. I took the rest of the afternoon off, got coffee with a friend from my first year pre-vet, and played Skyrim on the Xbox that I got with my bestie last year. Playing the game is mildly depressing, but I’m working through it.
Tonight was Halloween according to the calendar, so there were a handful of children coming to the door. The first one I had to send away because I wasn’t expecting any and so didn’t have any candy. The second set got my Haribo bears because I delved into my own private stash. The third set didn’t get anything because I didn’t get up from my computer fast enough and they walked away. All of them were pretty young children, no teenagers and no adults without kids. It is definitely a different holiday out here. Of course its also SPRING and so not really the Halloween spirit. Ah well, no use winging about it.
Tomorrow is the hardcore Physiology study and possibly going to see my friend and his band (he’s a music student at UCOL) play a ‘Country’ gig. At least they are covering Lady Antebellum for one of their songs which is more country than some of the other songs that I heard suggested for the set. I won’t go if it is too late because I need my sleep, but the exam isn’t until the afternoon so I have some leeway.
I managed to go through some of the other previous exams today and look through the types of questions that are going to be asked. I should be able to at least pass, even without the impaired performance, but only if there aren’t too many questions about things that need specifics when I only have general information. My focus has been spotty at best today. I’m hoping that I can pull it together for the full 2 hours tomorrow. I’m usually pretty good at tests once I sit down to take them.
I know for my main strategy I am going to look through it and only answer the ones that I know for sure first. There is only 2 hours for the test, and somewhere around 100 points possible. That gives me a little over one minute per point. If I can answer the ones that I know quickly, it gives me extra time to faff around on the ones that I know less well, and time to come up with an answer for the ones I might not know off the top of my head.
I’ve been feeling pretty sick most of today. I’m hoping its mostly just nerves that my conscious brain isn’t registering because it’s full of other things. I do know that I will be very glad to have tomorrow over with. Tonight is the full moon, which would be cool if I felt like going outside. Ah well, tomorrow is Halloween (which seems weird to celebrate in the spring so I won’t be) and only 19 days until I go home.
I had a pretty good weekend, spent time with my friends in Ashurst who have been helping me a lot since my bestie killed himself. We watched terrible Cult Classic films on Friday night (until the wee hours of Saturday morning) and then celebrated the fertility of early spring with a Beltane ritual. I helped bake the breads and my friend and her husband cooked an amazing feast. For the movie night I made nachos which were amazing, my friend made calzones, and there were heaps of sweets and snacks. It was fun and full of wonderful people, but very draining for this little introvert. By Sunday night I was emotionally exhausted to the point where everything was making me sad and I couldn’t stop thinking of my bestie. So I took myself home and tucked myself into bed with a good book and have been recovering today.
I spent a few hours studying today for Anatomy. That is going to be my first exam on Wednesday (Halloween) followed by Physiology on Friday. Thankfully these are the two subjects that have the most in common so studying for one is studying for the other. I haven’t been as focused as I could be, and sometimes reading the questions my classmates post to our facebook group leave me feeling like I haven’t been in this class all semester, but I’m trying not to beat myself up over it.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Today was not a good day. I have been steadily getting better day by day, but today was a backsliding day. I had a series of bad dreams last night that left me emotionally drained. Nothing about my bestie, but still enough bad piled up that I felt on the verge of tears for most of the morning. I slept late, didn’t want to do anything, and had zero focus. I couldn’t even be bothered playing the Sims, which is saying something because it is currently my favourite distraction. My most favourite person living in Oregon sent me a game that has been at least somewhat entertaining, but even that was not holding my attention well today.
I went and looked at a potential flat to move into for next semester, but it was a dud. The room was too small and the rent too high. Overall it was a very nice house, but I need more space for all of my stuff, especially now that I am having a hard time parting with any of the things supplied to me by my bestie (the too small desk and drawers). All is not lost however, another classmate is going to be looking at flats over the summer and seems to have similar goals in mind so hopefully we will be able to work something out. I have a place to store my stuff (just need to get plastic to cover them with as its a garage), so I won’t have any problems with that.
I cooked today. Cut up some asparagus (because it is spring here, early spring, cheap asparagus season) and mushrooms, covered them in oil and balsamic vinegar and then roasted them in the oven. I also boiled up some pene pasta and improved a jar of sauce with mushrooms and fresh garlic. Piled all of that together and that was my dinner. The fresh garlic made the sauce amazing even though it had roasted garlic already in it. I think I will have the leftover veges with rice tomorrow.
I reviewed more Anatomy and Physiology today. I avoided respiration and focused on the other things. I ate an apple and cheese over the course of three hours, then half a brownie-mug, and for dinner I had leftover pizza from last night. So I have at least been feeding myself. Not the best diet, but better than nothing. Reviewing is extremely boring and I hate it, but it is helping me re-orient where all of the information is so that I can look it up faster during the “hard core” study sessions.
I went grocery shopping for the first time in weeks. It was an expensive trip, but I have things to sustain me while I’m studying. Proper breakfasts and lunches will definitely help. I also have some good dinner ideas. Cooking always relaxes me so hopefully it will help. I still need to buy my beers for after the tests, but that can wait till next week. I also still need to pick up Sunday’s roast, so I should be able to kill two birds with one stone.
Oh, I also got my grades back for my last two tests. Anatomy (which was the week after my bestie’s suicide) I managed a 70% on about 2 hours of study, so not going to apply for impaired performance (it would only bump me up about 5%, so not really worth it). Physiology was an average of about 70% overall with the breakdown being: Histology ~56%, Cardiology ~70%, and Endocrinology ~82%. Considering that I only really studied Endocrinology, guessed about 50% of Cardiology, and briefly glanced through Histology the day before, I’ll take it.
That’s it for now. Boldly going forward ’cause we can’t find reverse.
Today I did some study for Anatomy and Physiology. I had to stop some of the Physiology study because it was too difficult to read about the body’s reaction to decreased oxygen and increased carbon dioxide, but I got some done and I’ll put that in the win column. Tomorrow is another day. Each day gets a little easier, and then I have moments where its not any easier at all. I helped pack up his house on Saturday, reclaimed some of the things that were mine, picked up some things that were his to remember him by. I still haven’t been able to eat reliably. I’ll think that I’m ok enough to eat something and then halfway through an apple I’ll start feeling over full and sick. So I’m still struggling with things. I’m still processing. Thankfully I haven’t remembered any of my dreams as of late. I don’t really want to know how my subconscious is processing things. I had lunch with a classmate today, tomorrow I’m meeting another friend for coffee or something. Wednesday I have nothing planned, but Thursday is my appointment with the Councillor. Friday is a movie night with my friends who have been my biggest support group. I’m trying to find normal. I slept funny last night and my back has been hurting all day. Hopefully it will be better tomorrow.
I’m getting by. Everything sucks right now, but I’m getting by. I arranged a memorial for tomorrow for the people who won’t be able to make it to his funeral. Sunday night I’m staying with mutual friends who are carpooling down with me to the funeral Monday. I made it to labs last week. Saw the councillor twice. I’m getting by. I’m going to be applying for impaired performance on all of my tests for the rest of the semester. It’s hard to study when you start crying every few minutes. Today isn’t as bad as yesterday. Tomorrow won’t be as bad as today. As long as I keep taking things one day at a time, I will be ok.